a confession

June 4, 2002 &bull uncategorized

I’m not a flosser.

Now that I have that off of my chest I’ll be able to write with a clearer head. You see, yesterday I had a dentist appointment. Not a “root canal” or “filling” appointment. No, just the usual check-up and teeth cleaning ritual that happens every six months. The interesting thing about this type of appointment is the amount of preparation that takes place, at least on my end. When I have to go in for a filling I’m much more relaxed because I know the dentist is going to be too busy to bust my chops over my lack of flossing. However, when it’s time for the semi-annual teeth cleaning, I have to start preparing before the appointment in order to avoid a public flogging by the hygenist.

One of the things they teach you in dental hygenist school is how to badger and ultimately “break” your clients into flossing. Whenever I go into the dentist they spend about 30 minutes cleaning my teeth and then another 15 minutes asking me why I don’t floss on a regular basis.

“So, how often do you floss?”
“Oh, I don’t know, every other day or so. Maybe a little less than that.”
“Really? I’m guessing that you don’t floss that much.”
“Well, you know how it is… when you get busy and stuff.” (Could you close your mouth? The glare is hurting my eyes.)
“Actually, it doesn’t take that much time to floss.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I promise I will floss a lot for our next visit. Please, stop looking at me like that. I said I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

I mean, don’t get me wrong — I brush two times a day, every day, without question. I’m a freak when it comes to that. However, I just can’t seem to stay on the flossing wagon. I start (usually after an encounter like the one listed above), but then stop after a week or two.

The last time I went to see the flossing Nazi I started flossing 2 days before the appointment. She saw right through it. As soon as I opened my mouth, “Ah, looks like your gums are irritated….” (pause) I had to admit that, “I just started flossing two days ago.” That set the tone for the appointment.

I learned my lesson this time, though. I started flossing one week before my appointment. For one week I would look at myself in the mirror at night, flossing, and thinking, “I’ll show that…. Tell me I need to floss more. I’ll tell her she needs to…. Yeah, I’ll show her. She’ll be wishing that….”

I was somewhat disappointed when my appointment came around, though. I had a different hygenist this time and she wasn’t all that interested in my flossing habits. In fact, I had to ask her if I was doing a good job brushing “and stuff,” trying to elicit some type of feedback to see if my plan had worked. I got nothing but a lazy, “Yeah, looks good.”

I’m trying to convince myself that she was just pissed because here was someone who was a flosser and she couldn’t “bust his balls” over it and that my strategy had worked. Next time I think I’ll start flossing two weeks out, just to make sure.

Comments

Comments are closed.

-